Why Do You Eat?

Food, while it is a necessity for living sometimes we tend to abuse it. As you may or may not know I have struggled with my weight most of my life and this past year it reached its all time high. I was so frustrated that I wasn't fitting into my clothes and I refused to go out and buy new clothes especially if it meant going up a size.

As you know I have been on my journey of becoming a new me. I joined Weight Watchers 12 weeks ago and I have lost 19 lbs so far. I am starting to fit into some of my old clothes again and this makes me really excited. I started thinking about why I was doing it the other day and didn't put two and two together, but really it is part of my journey that I have been on the last year to figure out some of my issues and resolve them. Focus on me time is what I like to fondly call it, but really it is me learning to love myself. Everyone always says I have the biggest heart and that I just love everyone no matter what. But that was always everyone but myself. Last year I started to focus on things that I could control. I started getting my medications in check, I started seeing someone and talking about some of the issues that I had, I started sticking up for myself (which I will always be working on), I started working in the temple so that I could grow closer to my Heavenly Father and see myself the way he does, and finally my weight loss journey. Yeah sure it feels nice to have people compliment me on my journey, but really I am doing it for myself. I want to be happy with myself and regardless of what size I am, I am going to know that I am where I am because of what I have done to get there.

With that all being said recent meetings at Weight Watchers has made me think about why I eat? Yesterday I realized that a big part of it is I am emotional eater. Being the highly emotional, sensitive, yet loving person that I am. . . it comes to stark revelation why I am where I was 12 weeks ago. What made me come to this stark revelation you ask?? Well yesterday was the day from hell!! And since I didn't pack any fruit or snacks, by the end of the work day I was not only mentally and emotionally exhausted, I had already pretty much eaten my daily alotment that I have for the day from Weight Watchers. And it didn't stop there. I drove through Taco Bell and got myself dinner on my way home knowing perfectly well it wasn't going to fill me up and when I got home from FHE and the grocery store I then proceeded to eat a bowl of cereal and some slices of pizza that my roommate had brought home from work.

What have I learned from yesterday's catastrophe of eating . . . well I am pretty sure that the scale is going to go up instead of down, which I have come to accept the consequences of my actions. I need to ALWAYS pack snacks . . . today I brought my cheese twists and two bananas. Totally prepared today. Have a big breakfast so I am not so hungry throughout the day. Finally, I need to find a new outlet to release my strees, anxiety, and emotional turmoil.

No need to worry

Apparently I made some concerned about me after my last post. Let me rest everyone's worries. . . . no need to be concerned. The non-member boy mentioned was a flirtation and it was already on its way of ending the day I wrote the last blog entry and I thought I had conveyed that by what I had written, but I guess I hadn't. For sure the flirtation is over and done with and I won't be giving a second glance.

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of getting married in the temple. Now that I am working in the Newport Beach Temple every Saturday, the goal to have an eternal family is even more clear and stronger than ever before. I love going to the temple. The gospel is so important to me that I can't imagine my life without it. Tonight I was at the temple subbing for another sister and I sat in the session thinking how blessed I am that I get to come here. I then later sat in the Celestial Room and felt such a calm peace over what I am working on in my life right now.

As mentioned in my previous blog entry . . . I am dreading the evil 30th and sad about being single during that birthday. But I know that not finding "the one" is out of my control and I really can't do anything about it. My job is sometime not so great, but I have tried to change that. However, the job market being what it is . . . this too has become something that I can't control.

So I decided a few months back to work on things that I can control to make me more happy in my life. I started working in the temple back in April so that I might have an opportunity to draw closer to my Heavenly Father. I never imagined the blessing I would have by working in the temple. The spirit is always so strong and it is almost as though I feel the same way I did on my mission. I love it. Not only that, but I can pray and contemplate about things every week for 6 hrs. I have never done that before. So after my last blog entry the fact that I am living in California and not somewhere there are more single "temple worthy" boys came up again. I promised a certain someone that I would take it to the temple and carefully contemplate and pray about the matter because I haven't done so in a while. I loved growing up in Utah, but it has never felt like the place for me. I have always felt like a fish out of water there. I can't really explain it. So many people have asked me why I feel the way I do. But I just do. I have felt more at home here in California then I have ever felt. Yeah, I miss my family and friends terribly. I cried the day I left last week. Because I can't be around my best friends (my family) all of the time. If I could magically transport them here I would in a heart beat. Anyway back to the praying today about where I should live . . . I said to Heavenly Father . . . I really don't feel like Utah is the place I need to be, but if you think that is the place I need to be, I will do whatever you want me to. I got the distinct impression that Heavenly Father felt that it doesn't really matter where I live. I felt that He was happy as long as I was happy. Sorry Family, that means I am staying in California for now.

Ok so the other thing that I decided to focus on that I knew I could control. I have been hesitant to write about this for quite sometime. . . first because I don't want to get on my soap box about the matter. . . second because I am so afraid of failure I didn't want to mention this part of what I am working on for fear I would fail and have to tell everyone about my failure. Anyway I have always struggled with my weight and honestly I haven't really liked my appearance because of it. I have tried a million different things to try to lose weight and I even took a nutrition class while I was in college. It wasn't that I didn't know what I was supposed to do . . . I just wasn't motivated enough to follow through. Yeah sure I would get motivated for a week or two. But then something would come up and I would fall off of the bandwagon and never get back on. So after I started to work in the temple I started to notice how the weight felt while standing on my feet all day. I was starting to not fit any of my clothes anymore . . . I have refused to go up a size for quite some time now. So finally got sick of it and decided to make a stand. I was no longer going to let my weight bother me. My roommate had joined Weight Watchers a few weeks prior and she loved and told me all about it. I have had 2 friends who have lost a significant amount of weight being on their program. And the whole idea that most fruits and veggies were free made it even more appealing to me. . . especially the fruit because I have always had a sweet tooth. Anyway to make a long story short. . . I have been on Weight Watchers for a little over two months now and I can happily say that I have lost 15 lbs since I started and I am still going strong. Yeah sure . . . I have my rough days or weeks, but I keep picking myself up and keep going. It makes me think of just like the gospel. Anytime we make poor choices, do we give up and say oh well??? No, we pick ourselves back up and keep going.

I love you guys and am so grateful for everything that you are and that you do for me. Again I am sorry if I concerned any of you, but rest assured . . .there is no need to worry.

Dating

So I am approaching my 30th Birthday at the end of the month and honestly I have been dreading this day for the last 6 months. Being 30 and still not married was definitely not part of my plan when I was thinking of how my life would be when I was a little girl. The church has noticed that people are getting married later and that is why they have been talking about it soo much the last few years.
My family is very supportive for the most part, but occasionally I will feel pressure from a few of them. Asking me if I am getting out there. Telling me that I should join lds dating websites, to go to as many activities as possible, moving where there are more members (ie: not in california), etc. My sister even as cute as she is, she even told me that she put my name in the temple so that I will find husband.
The thing that I really didn't think about until recently what being 30 and single means is the type of people that are available to date. Unfortunately the first thought that comes to my mind when I meet a guy around my age and single is, Are you divorced and if you are what happend (because obviously something must be wrong with you.) The second thought that comes to my mind if they haven't been married is, If you aren't married what major issues do you have because you aren't married yet. Sad, but true. Then you start to think . . . well should I go for a younger guy. I have never been interested in younger guys. Being the youngest of 5 I have always dated older than me . . . the one exception was Jared and he was only 2 days younger.
With all that being said, one of my friends thinks I am going through a mid-life crisis. There is a guy at work that I started to flirt with a few weeks ago. He isn't a member of the church, he is 5 years younger than me, has a tatoo, and a lip ring. Not usually the guy I go for. Part of me wants to pursue it because he's a really nice guy. But then at the same time . . . in the back of my mind I am thinking . . he's not a member and I want to get married in the temple. I have all of my Young Women's teachers lessons repeating like a broken record in my head. "You marry who you date" I have never dated a non-member and all of the sudden all sorts of things come up that I never had to deal with. Like how do I set up ground rules for him and how do I keep him from not crossing any of my lines. I take my covenants very seriously and I try my very best to live the gospel. Today we went to luch together and he kissed me for the first time. Of course he tried to put his hands where they aren't supposed to be and I kept moving them away and saying no. Then you have to talk about the whole garment issue. I am starting to see why people are saying it is hard to date outside of the church. But I started going into this thinking I wasn't really expecting to marry him and that I wasn't going to take it seriously. But being 30 and still single . . . should I really use my time dating someone that can't take me to the temple.

Cute Nieces and Nephews

So just because I am not a mommy and I can't post cute pics of my kids doesn't mean I don't have cute kids in my life. . . I love all of my nieces and nephews tons and I probably spoil them all rotten with love . . . they probably get sick of me with all of the kisses and hugs that I request from them. Below are some cute pics that my sister had taken of my cute niece Isabelle. . . currently the youngest of the bunch, but not for long. My Brother Brett and Sister-in-Law Lydia are expecting the fourth little girl into our family in September. Thanks to my siblings for bringing these sweet little spirits into my life.

Twin

I know it has been way too long since I last posted. I have been keeping myself busy doing odds and ends. I just had to share this though. I was on Facebook tonight and saw that my friend has posted something and one of his friends commented on it. The thing that threw me for a loop was that the profile for his friend was a picture of their kid. The crazy thing was that this kid looked almost exactly the way I did at 4 years old. I have attached pictures for your enjoyment.

Me at 4 years

My twin . . . twenty some odd years apart =)

Birthday Madness

Birthdays can either be lots of fun or they can be a real drag . . . I have to admit I was a little afraid of this birthday because it is the last before the dreaded 30. Saturday I got a call from my good friend and visiting teacher Emily, and she announced that she and her fiance had decided that they wanted to throw me a Birthday part. I was so excited. I like parties . . . I just don't like throwing them. We talked out a few of the details everything was set.
Tuesday came along and I was overwhelmed with Birthday messages on facebook, Birthday phone calls, and Birthday texts. I truly felt loved. I went to work and everyone wished me a Happy Birthday. My cute friend got me a fun present that is still sitting on my desk today. I went to lunch with a co-worker at this greek restaurant which was super yummy. My co workers got me my favorite cake (carrot cake) and even put frosting all of over my face. Pictures are included with this post.The party was amazing!! I had so much fun and felt so loved by all of my friends. Thank you Emily and David for such an amazing party. I don't have any pictures of the party. I forgot my camera in the car.
The next day was even more interesting. I went early in the day on a sales trip with one of my sales people. When I got back I got a phone call from my foreman. He asked if I could come over to the warehouse because they had something for me for my birthday. I got caught up on a few things and went over. I got there and my foreman and my other warehouse guy told me to sit down. My foreman came out of his office with this beautiful bouquet of lilies. I was thinking that was nice of them for the both of them to get these for me . . . he said there was a card. They weren't from the both of them. They were from another warehouse guy whom I think may have a little crush on me . . . and the card is in Spanish. I don't know Spanish so I have no idea what it says. They call Juanito over and I kindly thank him and give him a hug . . . but at this point I am feeling super awkward. I took the flowers back to my office and of course everyone is asking questions. I had my co-worker translate the card. It wasn't anything particular but it could be interpreted as more. My co-workers were all giving me grief because they were like . . . my warehouse guys never give me flowers. ha ha ha. Anyway so needless to say I wound up calling my foreman and told him that he and the other guy need to stop joking around about him liking me because I really don't want to encourage anything. The beautiful flowers are now gone, but I have attached a picture for your enjoyment.

Catching up Part 1

I went to Utah over Memorial Day weekend and it was funny because I was talking to one of my freinds and she gave me crap that I never do anything with this. . . I told her that it was because I never have anything to say and she just laughed at me . . . . well one of the things that I kept promising but never did was that I would post a picture of my new car . . . part of that problem is that I kept forgetting to take pictures of it . . . . so to compromise. . . I am posting a factory picture of my car. It is a 2008 Honda Civic Hybrid. I got a heck of a deal on it and it is saving me money every month . . . not only the gas . . . my car payments are less than my Accord. It is silver exterior, and blue interior. It gets me approx 37-40 mpg which is amazing because I am driving the same amount and spending $60 less every month on gas. Wahoo. I'll have to admit the thing that made me most excited about it was that it had an auxillary imput so I can listen to my ipod in my car . . . and the other thing that I am super excited about is that I have steering wheel controls for my radio. I know I am vain. Anyway so that is catch up number one.