No need to worry

Apparently I made some concerned about me after my last post. Let me rest everyone's worries. . . . no need to be concerned. The non-member boy mentioned was a flirtation and it was already on its way of ending the day I wrote the last blog entry and I thought I had conveyed that by what I had written, but I guess I hadn't. For sure the flirtation is over and done with and I won't be giving a second glance.

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of getting married in the temple. Now that I am working in the Newport Beach Temple every Saturday, the goal to have an eternal family is even more clear and stronger than ever before. I love going to the temple. The gospel is so important to me that I can't imagine my life without it. Tonight I was at the temple subbing for another sister and I sat in the session thinking how blessed I am that I get to come here. I then later sat in the Celestial Room and felt such a calm peace over what I am working on in my life right now.

As mentioned in my previous blog entry . . . I am dreading the evil 30th and sad about being single during that birthday. But I know that not finding "the one" is out of my control and I really can't do anything about it. My job is sometime not so great, but I have tried to change that. However, the job market being what it is . . . this too has become something that I can't control.

So I decided a few months back to work on things that I can control to make me more happy in my life. I started working in the temple back in April so that I might have an opportunity to draw closer to my Heavenly Father. I never imagined the blessing I would have by working in the temple. The spirit is always so strong and it is almost as though I feel the same way I did on my mission. I love it. Not only that, but I can pray and contemplate about things every week for 6 hrs. I have never done that before. So after my last blog entry the fact that I am living in California and not somewhere there are more single "temple worthy" boys came up again. I promised a certain someone that I would take it to the temple and carefully contemplate and pray about the matter because I haven't done so in a while. I loved growing up in Utah, but it has never felt like the place for me. I have always felt like a fish out of water there. I can't really explain it. So many people have asked me why I feel the way I do. But I just do. I have felt more at home here in California then I have ever felt. Yeah, I miss my family and friends terribly. I cried the day I left last week. Because I can't be around my best friends (my family) all of the time. If I could magically transport them here I would in a heart beat. Anyway back to the praying today about where I should live . . . I said to Heavenly Father . . . I really don't feel like Utah is the place I need to be, but if you think that is the place I need to be, I will do whatever you want me to. I got the distinct impression that Heavenly Father felt that it doesn't really matter where I live. I felt that He was happy as long as I was happy. Sorry Family, that means I am staying in California for now.

Ok so the other thing that I decided to focus on that I knew I could control. I have been hesitant to write about this for quite sometime. . . first because I don't want to get on my soap box about the matter. . . second because I am so afraid of failure I didn't want to mention this part of what I am working on for fear I would fail and have to tell everyone about my failure. Anyway I have always struggled with my weight and honestly I haven't really liked my appearance because of it. I have tried a million different things to try to lose weight and I even took a nutrition class while I was in college. It wasn't that I didn't know what I was supposed to do . . . I just wasn't motivated enough to follow through. Yeah sure I would get motivated for a week or two. But then something would come up and I would fall off of the bandwagon and never get back on. So after I started to work in the temple I started to notice how the weight felt while standing on my feet all day. I was starting to not fit any of my clothes anymore . . . I have refused to go up a size for quite some time now. So finally got sick of it and decided to make a stand. I was no longer going to let my weight bother me. My roommate had joined Weight Watchers a few weeks prior and she loved and told me all about it. I have had 2 friends who have lost a significant amount of weight being on their program. And the whole idea that most fruits and veggies were free made it even more appealing to me. . . especially the fruit because I have always had a sweet tooth. Anyway to make a long story short. . . I have been on Weight Watchers for a little over two months now and I can happily say that I have lost 15 lbs since I started and I am still going strong. Yeah sure . . . I have my rough days or weeks, but I keep picking myself up and keep going. It makes me think of just like the gospel. Anytime we make poor choices, do we give up and say oh well??? No, we pick ourselves back up and keep going.

I love you guys and am so grateful for everything that you are and that you do for me. Again I am sorry if I concerned any of you, but rest assured . . .there is no need to worry.