Out of My Element

I always like getting new callings because it challenges me in ways that I wasn't challeneged before. I recently got called to be a Young Women's Advisor in my ward. I immediately felt overwhelmed with the calling when I accepted it. Mind you I haven't been in a family ward in close to 10 years. It isn't really the teaching part that scares me so much. I have been a Primary Teacher, Gospel Principles Teacher, & Gospel Doctorine Teacher. So I love teaching. What intimidates me is at least with the Primary kids you know they aren't paying attention so it doesn't really matter. Gospel Principles & Gospel Doctorine they do listen as well as participate so it makes teaching really easy. Young Women on the other hand. . . they are listening and they refuse to voluntarily participate. I taught my first lesson two weeks ago and seriously . . . when I asked questions you could hear crickets chirp. I just started calling on them to make them participate.
The other part that intimidates me is . . . I haven't had to carry on a conversation with someone this age in forever. I don't spend a lot of time with my niece and nephew that are this age and the nieces and nephews that I do spend time with are all little and all you have to do is love and play with them. I went to Young Women's last night and had to pick up two of the girls for the activity and I just feel sooo awkward. I just want to love and bond with this girls, but I have forgotten how. You would think that it wouldn't be so intimidating seeing that I once was one of these girls, but for some reason it just makes me all sorts of uncomfortable. I am grateful for this calling. I know that it will be really good for me. But most of all I want to be a good leader and example to them.

Dress Size??

Okay so I'm sorry that all of my blog posts lately have been related to my recent "lifestyle" change as Weight Watchers likes to put it . . . but that is what is going on in my life so if you are tired of reading about it . . . too bad that is my life and is what I have to talk about.

For the past few weeks I have really started to notice how big my clothes were getting on me. Yesterday I finally decided that enough was enough. I had already raided my closet looking for smaller sizes for work pants and for some reason . . . I don't have any . . . I must have worn dresses more when I was that size. Anyway so I walked into Costco to order a cake for my co-worker's baby shower and right when I walked in I saw that they had some dress pants for sale for only $15. I'm thinking this is awesome. What a great deal. Well of course you can't try them on in the store so I bought them and went home to try them on. They sort of fit. Well at least I could zip up the zipper and button the button, but I felt like the pants had been painted on me. I was sooo frustrated. My current size is way too big, but the size smaller was too small. I felt deflated. I had convinced my roommate to go with me to Old Navy. Again, I felt like they were a little snug, but my roommate and the lady at the store told me that they looked fine. So I wound up buying them and I am currently wearing them. I still feel they are a little too snug in my pooch area, but I guess I've always been self conscious about that and I can cover it up with shirts.

The point of my story. Today I logged on to Weight Watchers and they had written an article about sizes and they showed the drastic differences between stores on sizes. I had already know this, but I never realized that it was this bad. Below is the sizing chart for a size 8 at many popular stores.

Mini Rewards

How do you reward yourself? While on my weight loss journey I tried to think of ways to reward myself for losing weight. It is like when you were little and your mom would wrap her arms around you and give you a kiss and tell you how proud she is of you.

Even though losing the weight in and if itself is rewarding. My roommate said I should reward myself. Normally a person would go out and eat to celebrate, but as Jason my group leader says, "that's what got us where we are in the first place." So what I'm about to tell you may sound a little silly and frivolous to some, it really cheers me up and makes me happy.

Fresh Flowers always make me happy. Especially Gerbera Daisies (my personal favorite), but any flower makes me happy. Spring is my favorite season and part of that is because I grew up in Utah we always had about 4-5 mos of brown drabness. Then about March everything started to turn green and most of all the flowers started to bloom.

Now here comes the frivolity... I have been known to buy flowers for myself quite often. In fact I have bought them for myself more than I have received them from significant others. Well how have I been rewarding myself you might guess?? See for yourself... My reward for losing 20.6 lbs

Why Do You Eat?

Food, while it is a necessity for living sometimes we tend to abuse it. As you may or may not know I have struggled with my weight most of my life and this past year it reached its all time high. I was so frustrated that I wasn't fitting into my clothes and I refused to go out and buy new clothes especially if it meant going up a size.

As you know I have been on my journey of becoming a new me. I joined Weight Watchers 12 weeks ago and I have lost 19 lbs so far. I am starting to fit into some of my old clothes again and this makes me really excited. I started thinking about why I was doing it the other day and didn't put two and two together, but really it is part of my journey that I have been on the last year to figure out some of my issues and resolve them. Focus on me time is what I like to fondly call it, but really it is me learning to love myself. Everyone always says I have the biggest heart and that I just love everyone no matter what. But that was always everyone but myself. Last year I started to focus on things that I could control. I started getting my medications in check, I started seeing someone and talking about some of the issues that I had, I started sticking up for myself (which I will always be working on), I started working in the temple so that I could grow closer to my Heavenly Father and see myself the way he does, and finally my weight loss journey. Yeah sure it feels nice to have people compliment me on my journey, but really I am doing it for myself. I want to be happy with myself and regardless of what size I am, I am going to know that I am where I am because of what I have done to get there.

With that all being said recent meetings at Weight Watchers has made me think about why I eat? Yesterday I realized that a big part of it is I am emotional eater. Being the highly emotional, sensitive, yet loving person that I am. . . it comes to stark revelation why I am where I was 12 weeks ago. What made me come to this stark revelation you ask?? Well yesterday was the day from hell!! And since I didn't pack any fruit or snacks, by the end of the work day I was not only mentally and emotionally exhausted, I had already pretty much eaten my daily alotment that I have for the day from Weight Watchers. And it didn't stop there. I drove through Taco Bell and got myself dinner on my way home knowing perfectly well it wasn't going to fill me up and when I got home from FHE and the grocery store I then proceeded to eat a bowl of cereal and some slices of pizza that my roommate had brought home from work.

What have I learned from yesterday's catastrophe of eating . . . well I am pretty sure that the scale is going to go up instead of down, which I have come to accept the consequences of my actions. I need to ALWAYS pack snacks . . . today I brought my cheese twists and two bananas. Totally prepared today. Have a big breakfast so I am not so hungry throughout the day. Finally, I need to find a new outlet to release my strees, anxiety, and emotional turmoil.